Area of Specialty: Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse
It may have seemed like they were the perfect partner: attentive, enthusiastic, and interested in you. However, over time, things deteriorated. The person you thought they were seemed to get replaced with someone critical, dismissive, and who never seemed to take responsibility for their mistakes. You poured more and more of your time, emotions, and energy into the relationship, thinking that just a little more from you would bring it back to where you started. You took the blame for problems that weren’t entirely yours so the fight would stop and so you’d get some peace, but your partner turned around and used it against you. It felt like there was no way to win.
It turns out your partner was a pathological narcissist. A unhealthy relationship like this can lead to a profound sense of confusion and mistrust of yourself. You may find yourself being just as critical of yourself as your partner was. You may be struggling with a profound, debilitating sense of shame. You may not know what you feel or what’s in your own best interests. Maybe you struggle to feel like you even deserve to be a priority to anyone (even your own!). Getting into therapy is a great option to reconnect with yourself and reclaim what you’ve lost. Therapy is the antithesis to a relationship with a pathological narcissist: it’s a place where we focus on you and your needs.
Why Might Someone Seek Therapy After Experiencing Narcissistic Abuse?
Sometimes the impacts of narcissistic abuse can persist long after the relationship has ended (although therapy can be helpful while still in the relationship too!). This kind of relationship can wreck havoc on everything around it, and you may find yourself picking up the pieces. You might be struggling to rekindle relationships with friends or family who have distanced themselves from you. Making common decisions at work might suddenly be harder than it was and you don’t know why you cannot trust your own judgment. You may find yourself struggling with distressing internal experiences: not feeling like yourself, feeling very sad or lonely, or not even knowing how you feel inside. Needing the support of a professional isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s when we are vulnerable that asking for help shows our bravery and commitment to ourselves.
Common reasons people seek therapy in the wake of narcissistic abuse:
debilitating self-doubt
feelings of embarrassment or shame
struggling to understand how this relationship went so badly
fear of getting into another unhealthy relationship
believing you will never be good enough
believing that you are “selfish” by having needs or putting yourself first
Commonly Asked Questions When Considering Seeking Help After Narcissistic Abuse:
Why are they like this? How can I understand narcissism?
Did I do something wrong to deserve this?
Am I struggling with codependency?
How do I separate from a pathological narcissist?
How Therapy Can Help
Being in a relationship with a pathological narcissist can lead lasting damage. So now what? You’re left to deal with the aftermath, which probably feels unfair (and it is). Therapy may begin by acknowledging this damage and helping you mourn the time lost. Therapy can help you put the pieces back together for yourself by focusing on your inner experience. You’ve spent enough time and effort trying to read your narcissistic partner’s mind; it’s time to re-learn to read your own!
Therapy helps you reconnect with your full range of feelings, not just the ones your partner was ok hearing about. We’ll look at what you want and need and help you validate these on your own again. Therapy can help you stick with your own sense of truth and reality so that you’re not so vulnerable to this kind of relationship again.
My Approach to Working with Victims of Narcissistic Abuse
A psychodynamic approach is tailored to each person’s unique experience and perspective. I take your full history and temperament into account as we work together to understand you. Psychodynamic therapy is an approach that appreciates who you are and takes the time to restore (or create) a deep connection with yourself. If a relationship with a pathological narcissist has drained you of your sense of who you are, a psychodynamic approach is well suited to its restoration.
My approach to therapy is based on the belief that human beings end up creating and maintaining old patterns from their early years. This repetition is almost always unconscious and we do this for good reasons. Lasting change comes from a deep understanding of our own emotional and behavioral patterns and seeing our role in them. This empowers you to understand your relational dynamics and stop the cycles that are causing misery in your life.
Commonly Asked Questions about Psychodynamic Therapy for Narcissistic Abuse:
How does psychodynamic therapy work in general?
What can I expect from psychodynamic therapy that is different from a skills-based approach?
Is there a connection between having emotionally immature parents and getting into a relationship with a pathological narcissist?
Can psychodynamic therapy help me understand why I keep getting into relationships with similar types of people?