Therapy for Narcissistic Abuse in Philadelphia, PA

It may have seemed like they were the perfect partner: attentive, enthusiastic, and interested in you. However, over time, things deteriorated. The person you thought they were seemed to get replaced with someone critical, dismissive, and who never seemed to take responsibility for their mistakes. You poured more and more of your time, emotions, and energy into the relationship, thinking that just a little more from you would bring it back to where you started. You took the blame for problems that weren’t entirely yours so the fight would stop and so you’d get some peace, but your partner turned around and used it against you. It felt like there was no way to win.

It turns out your partner was a pathological narcissist. A unhealthy relationship like this can lead to a profound sense of confusion and mistrust of yourself. You may find yourself being just as critical of yourself as your partner was. You may be struggling with a profound, debilitating sense of shame. You may not know what you feel or what’s in your own best interests. Maybe you struggle to feel like you even deserve to be a priority to anyone (even your own!). Getting into therapy is a great option to reconnect with yourself and reclaim what you’ve lost. Therapy is the antithesis to a relationship with a pathological narcissist: it’s a place where we focus on you and your needs.

 
 

Why Might Someone Seek Therapy After Experiencing Narcissistic Abuse?

Sometimes the impacts of narcissistic abuse can persist long after the relationship has ended (although therapy can be helpful while still in the relationship too!). This kind of relationship can wreck havoc on everything around it, and you may find yourself picking up the pieces. You might be struggling to rekindle relationships with friends or family who have distanced themselves from you. Making common decisions at work might suddenly be harder than it was and you don’t know why you cannot trust your own judgment. You may find yourself struggling with distressing internal experiences: not feeling like yourself, feeling very sad or lonely, or not even knowing how you feel inside. Needing the support of a professional isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s when we are vulnerable that asking for help shows our bravery and commitment to ourselves.

Common reasons people seek therapy in the wake of narcissistic abuse:

  • debilitating self-doubt

  • feelings of embarrassment or shame

  • struggling to understand how this relationship went so badly

  • fear of getting into another unhealthy relationship

  • worrying you will never be good enough

  • believing that you are “selfish” by having needs or putting yourself first

FAQs About Narcissistic Abuse

  • Narcissism was originally a word that meant self-esteem, and as human beings we all have narcissistic vulnerabilities: we can feel ashamed of ourselves, doubt about our capabilities, and struggle with insecurities about our value. However, narcissistic abuse occurs when someone is in a relationship with a pathological narcissistic: someone who feels so fragile that they cannot tolerate any of the normal and natural vulnerability of being human and instead responds only with their own sense of grandiosity. The way that they treat others is dependent on how others make them feel about themselves. Therefore, when someone bolsters their self-esteem, they respond by idealizing that person. But when the other person evokes feelings of shame, the pathological narcissist will respond with intense devaluing of the other to protect their own fragile ego.

  • You are never responsible for another person’s behavior. All people deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. It’s normal for people in intimate relationships to be annoyed with one another, argue, make mistakes, and misunderstand each other. But, none of this is an excuse for mistreating the other. If you find yourself asking this question, it’s an important signal that you are struggling with your sense of self-worth and this is an important issue to address with a professional.

  • Your partner’s issues do not necessarily mean anything about you. However, sometimes people who struggle with codependency do end up in relationships with pathological narcissists. This may be based on a false sense of security that each person provides the other at the beginning of the relationship. If you are concerned about having issues of codependency, this is all the more reason to get into therapy and help yourself make important changes that will benefit you in the long-run.

  • The internet and social media abound with practical tips and tricks to leave a narcissist. Therapy isn’t a process where you get advice, but can help with psychological separation. When you don’t feel impacted by and trapped by your partner’s convictions and worldview, it’s much easier to make your own decisions and see outside of the box they want you to live in.

How Therapy for Narcissistic Abuse Can Help

Being in a relationship with a pathological narcissist can lead lasting damage. So now what? You’re left to deal with the aftermath, which probably feels unfair (and it is). Therapy may begin by acknowledging this damage and helping you mourn the time lost. Therapy can help you put the pieces back together for yourself by focusing on your inner experience. You’ve spent enough time and effort trying to read your narcissistic partner’s mind; it’s time to re-learn to read your own!

Therapy helps you reconnect with your full range of feelings, not just the ones your partner was ok hearing about. We’ll look at what you want and need and help you validate these on your own again. Therapy can help you stick with your own sense of truth and reality so that you’re not so vulnerable to this kind of relationship again.

My Approach to Working with Victims of Narcissistic Abuse

A psychodynamic approach is tailored to each person’s unique experience and perspective. I take your full history and temperament into account as we work together to understand you. Psychodynamic therapy is an approach that appreciates who you are and takes the time to restore (or create) a deep connection with yourself. If a relationship with a pathological narcissist has drained you of your sense of who you are, a psychodynamic approach is well suited to its restoration.

My approach to therapy is based on the belief that human beings end up creating and maintaining old patterns from their early years. This repetition is almost always unconscious and we do this for good reasons. Lasting change comes from a deep understanding of our own emotional and behavioral patterns and seeing our role in them. This empowers you to understand your relational dynamics and stop the cycles that are causing misery in your life.

If this description of therapy is resonating with you, you might be a good fit for this type of work. Below, you’ll find some commonly asked questions about psychodynamic therapy for narcissistic abuse so you can learn more about this service.

  • Click here to see my page on Psychodynamic Therapy. There’s no way to give a singular description of the process, since it varies with each individual’s needs. Overall, though, it is a process in which you will tell me all about what’s most important to you, and I will give you feedback and interact with you about the way you come across and the issues that I see underneath the surface. I will be engaged and present with you, but come ready to talk about your inner life!

  • A lot of therapy approaches out there are skills-based, which means that they will help you learn what kinds of coping skills to utilize for certain problems and situations. They will teach you how to do something specific and then apply it. Often, these kinds of therapies are based in protocols that guide the therapy over the same paths for each client, no matter who they are or what life circumstances they are experiencing. They also tend to promote symptom management, which can reduce a person to a collection of symptoms rather than seeing them as a full human being.

    The kind of psychodynamic therapy that I practice is a relational endeavor, where we acknowledge the humanity of both client and therapist while focusing on the client’s needs and experiences. Therapy is exploratory rather than prescriptive: we ask the questions “why and how?” rather than look for quick solutions. We want to understand, and through understanding create new emotional experiences that are life-changing and profound.

  • Unfortunately, there can be. We tend to repeat patterns from childhood in our adult lives. When we have parents who have not seen us as full people, or who have shown us that we don’t matter, we might end up picking partners who send us these same messages.

  • Absolutely! If you are someone who has ended up in similar kinds of unhealthy relationships, it makes a lot of sense to look at how you might be picking people who aren’t healthy for you, and how you might be playing a part in maintaining those unhealthy relationships. A psychodynamic approach may be a good fit for you if you are asking this question.

How to Begin Therapy for Narcissistic Abuse in Philadelphia

The most important part of therapy is making sure you are with a therapist who is the right fit for you. This has to do not only with the therapist’s expertise but also with personality, a sense of understanding, and potential for connection. This is why I offer free phone consultations. I want to hear about you and what brings you to therapy, and I want you to get a feel for what it’s like to talk to me.

Click here to schedule a free phone consultation with me. If, at the end of the consultation, both of agree that we would like to move forward, we will go over next steps.