Area of Specialty: Narcissistic Abuse

What is narcissism and narcissistic abuse?

Narcissism was originally a word that meant self-esteem, and as human beings we all have narcissistic vulnerabilities: we can feel ashamed of ourselves, doubt about our capabilities, and struggle with insecurities about our value. However, narcissistic abuse occurs when someone is in a relationship with a pathological narcissistic: someone who feels so fragile that they cannot tolerate any of the normal and natural vulnerability of being human and instead responds only with their own sense of grandiosity. The way that they treat others is dependent on how others make them feel about themselves. Therefore, when someone bolsters their self-esteem, they respond by idealizing that person. But when the other person evokes feelings of shame, the pathological narcissist will respond with intense devaluing of the other to protect their own fragile ego. Either way, a relationship with the pathological narcissist is not only painful but can be quite harmful.

How can therapy help?

The core of the damage to the victim lies in the dehumanization that inevitably accompanies a relationship with a pathological narcissist. Victims often feel empty, deeply alone, and unimportant, and this damage can be compounded by intense self-doubt of their own experiences. These one-way relationships leave no space for the victim's feelings, wants, needs, and perspectives; therefore therapy will focus on these areas to help re-establish a deeply needed sense of humanity. Therapy is based on providing a two-way, therapeutic relationship in which victims can explore not only how they have been hurt but also to expand their sense of who they are and what brings them meaning and fulfillment.